Breaking Through Bitterness

As an opinionated person it really bothers me when something in my life goes a different way than I think it should go. I hate it, it feels like some sort of karma like balance is all out of whack. If this situation is something I deeply care about it’s almost impossible for my mind to let it go. I overanalyze it in my head and continue to build a case for how I was wronged, resulting in a growing sense of bitterness in my heart. When there are action steps moving forward I consider those, but often these things are complicated or out of my control. I feel stuck in a self righteous bitterness and there is no way out. These bouts sour my day to day life more than I would like to admit, but recently I came to a realization in the shower. I thought back to one of my favorite stand-up specials Mike Birbiglia’s My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend; in this special he remembers a car accident in which he was hit by a drunk driver. He nearly died in this accident and was by no means at fault. Yet, when the police report came out he was cited as the driver at fault and the insurance companies wanted him to pay $12,000. Mike was enraged by this injustice and took action immediately, he called the police department in charge of the report. The police stuck to their report and for weeks, Mike kept calling and arguing with them. He contacted a lawyer and reviewed his case, and his own defense would cost more than the bill for the accident. At this point he began researching the case law for himself, he spent weeks researching and building his case. At a certain point his longtime girlfriend explained to him that proving he was right had consumed his whole life, he couldn’t enjoy anything because he knew he was right and they were wrong. This case had consumed his heart, there was no foreseeable path to justice. So she asked him to pay the bill and move forward,, with this he realized she was right and he paid the bill and accepted the consequences for something he hadn’t done.

Watching this special I had always loved the humor, but I didn’t understand his decision to foot the bill and accept this injustice. I felt he had pussed out, but at this moment in the shower I realized exactly what he meant. Bitterness had consumed his life, he couldn’t correct this mistake and he could either let it continue to consume his life or move forward accepting the consequences. This was forgiveness in a deep way, not just the bullshit we half-assedly say to one another. I realized that I could do this in moving forward in my life, and that I would be better off for it. Since this realization I have experienced more peace than I did before. I’m not saying this realization applies to all situations where bitterness is involved, but it can be the way to move forward when there is no other way.

If you get a chance check out Mike’s special My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend on Netflix, it’s hilarious.